I'm Freaky For Tiki #10: The Great San Francisco Tiki Crawl: Luau Lounge, Trad'r Sam, Tiki Haven, Smuggler's Cove and Tonga Room
It was the week between Christmas and New Year's Eve 2017. I had to work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, but I was looking forward to time off after that. My favorite thing to do for New Year's Eve is to wander the streets of San Francisco with friends, visit bars, ride the cable cars (for free) and watch the fireworks on the bay at midnight. This year, however, because of the article I am planning on doing for The Fresno Bee on tiki in California, I had a tiki itinerary I also needed to tackle. I needed to re-visit the tiki places in the East Bay and in San Francisco to get some much-needed photographs to go with the article. I had set my sites on nine locations...six within San Francisco alone. It was a pretty big undertaking, but I thought I could do it.
Except...
On the way to the Bay Area on the 26th, I knew I was coming down with something. We stopped in a Patterson Walgreen's so I could buy some meds to try and head the sickness off. However, it was too late. Whatever was coming was on its way.
I had tentatively set the San Francisco Tiki Crawl for Thursday, Dec. 28th and had posted my plans on Critiki with the hopes other tikiphiles would join me. One Critiki member ("KevinCrossman") said my proposed crawl sounded "epic" and that I should consider also hitting Bamboo Hut (a place I had already been to and already had photos of that would work for the article). Another ("Suffering Bastard") wrote that he couldn't make it but that he was "looking forward to your takes on these establishments. Bottoms up!" As much as I was dreading the actual ordeal of hitting all of these places in a day, I was also looking forward to it in a big way.
Then I got sick.
I stayed in bed and slept more than 24 hours between the 27th and the 28th. I had the flu, but never had any vomiting or diarrhea---just felt feverish, hot and cold sweats, weakness, and had annoying, repetitive dreams. By the evening of the 28th I was feeling more or less quasi-human and was determined to do this 6-stop tiki crawl the next day. I updated my visit information on Critiki. The next morning, Friday the 29th, I was off to the city loaded up on Dayquil, Ibuprophen and other wondrous medications designed to keep me upright when all I wanted to do was go back to sleep. I doubt I was contagious any longer, but I certainly didn't feel great.
That day's tiki crawl was dictated by when the places opened....so my first stop was the Luau Lounge on Pier 39.
When I had lived in San Francisco and, later, the East Bay, I had a lot of visitors. Where did everyone want to go when they came to visit? Fisherman's Wharf. UGH! There is NOTHING THERE. It's just a big tourist trap with touristy shops and places to eat. I hated it and had no intention of ever going back. And yet, here I was on the way back to Pier 39. Swell.
I had taken a Lyft from the Ferry Building as the two streetcars heading to the wharf area that had passed me by were all full. The Lyft driver was a guy named Jorge. I was embarrassed asking to be taken to Pier 39, but he didn't mind. He said that his brother worked in a wine tasting place on Pier 39 (which I later saw in passing), but that he had never visited him there. He never went to the wharf, except to pick up or drop off passengers. I completely understood.
I hadn't eaten breakfast (a brilliant thing to do when one is planning a day of drinking, especially when one is sick. NOT!) and had 20 minutes to kill before the tiki bar was open, so I looked for a place to grab some sort of breakfast. I opted for a crepe place and bought an overpriced ($12.95) crappy crab crepe, which I dutifully ate---but wondered if it would cause me to get sicker as the day went on.
Finally it was noon and time to visit the Luau Lounge.
LUAU LOUNGE
Located at the far end of Pier 39 inside of Players, a video game arcade, restaurant and bar. You have to wander through the arcade area to find the Luau Lounge in the far corner of the building.
As I wasn't feeling well, I really wanted a bloody mary (Groan....). However, that was NOT part of the assignment. Instead I had a Fog Cutter, which was serviceable, but not spectacular.
As other customers came in, I realized the brilliance of this place. Hello? It's on Pier 39. The customers were enamored with the place. To the average Joe from the Midwest or wherever, this tiki bar is probably the first of its kind they've ever seen. I'm sure it seemed quite exotic to them, however minimally tiki it was.
Still, it was not a bad space and if I ever get dragged back to the wharf again, at least I know there is something for ME to do there now. DRINK!
I asked if they had any mugs for sale. They had the same glass tiki head something everyone has and a brown tiki mug with a brand name of some liqueur printed on it. I said I'd buy the brown one---then instantly regretted it. Oh well.
The place apparently had become a total dive. The display windows on either side of the door had been vandalized, broken and smeared over. What little remained in them was hardly worth mentioning.
As I walked in though, I was surprised to see the bar I remembered as being virtually empty all those years ago was now so vibrant, with a pretty healthy stream of customers. They seemed like regulars. I found my way to a vacant spot on the far side of the bar. The bimbo-y looking bartender came over and said "You've got great hair." Uh. Okay... All I could do was stare blankly at her nose piercing before I finally asked for a menu and she handed one to me.
The drink menu was extensive. That was a surprise since most of the crowd was having beer. I ordered a tiki drink anyway, a Lava Flow.
While the bartender (who reminded me of Roz Kelly, the flash-in-the-pan actress who was best known as Pinky Tuscadero, Fonzie's girlfriend for all of two episodes, on "Happy Days") was making my drink, I noticed the CASH ONLY sign. In utter horror, I quickly opened my wallet. I almost never have cash...but this time I was thankfully okay. Phew!
I paid for my drink and moved to the outer seating area so I could observe and take some pictures. It occurred to me that my trip to Trad'r Sam was rendered pointless by all of the Christmas decor. That would so not work in an article published in late spring. Groan.
As I looked around, I could see that the rattan seating areas were the same. While there was still some obvious damage to them, it looked like some of the larger, broken sections had been repaired since I had last been there. But there was still plenty of split seats with stuffing spilling out. By and large, though, I'd say it looked as good---if not a little better--than it had more than a decade ago.
The bartender served my drink with a secondary glass that was filled with the overflow from the first glass. It was almost like getting two drinks for the price of one. Score! Again, like the Fog Cutter at Luau Lounge, the drink was serviceable, but not great. Or maybe my taste buds were just out of whack?
One thing that was not out of whack was my hearing. Ugh. How painful it was to sit in this classic tiki bar sipping a cocktail with very loud country music blaring away. YES, COUNTRY MUSIC. Groan. Trad'r Sam had become a neighborhood dive bar, albeit one with tiki trappings and an historic place in Polynesian pop culture. I was just thankful that big TVs weren't blaring out some sporting event...but I saw signs advertising football on Friday and Saturday nights. So sad.
I was glad to see Trad'r Sam doing so well. I just wish it would embrace its history and heritage instead of just looking to make a fast buck.
Soon enough though, Tiki Haven was open and I was seated inside. Although I wasn't expecting to, I found myself liking the place instantly. Sure, like Luau Lounge, it unfortunately shares a city with bigger, more impressive tiki bars. But for a little neighborhood place--not bad. Of course, the place had just opened. The big, empty TV screens behind the bar pretty much told me "sports bar" and I got the feeling that tiki was just window dressing. In fact, I asked the guy who opened if he was the owner. He said he was a co-owner. I asked him why they went with a tiki theme. He said his partner had several bars, but didn't have a tiki bar...so they went with that. This guy had only ever been to Trad'r Sam before (I asked). He really had no idea what tiki was beyond that.
The decor was not over the top, but decent. I especially liked the carved tables and benches. They were fun.
When it came time to choosing a cocktail, I named three from the menu and asked which was his favorite. He chose the Pink Flamingo, so that is what I ordered.
My taste buds must have really been on the fritz that day. I do not remember what it tasted like at all. I saw some of the bars' signature mugs ready for use on the other side of the bar and asked if they had any for sale. No, they did not. However, the guy offered me a tiki glass--for free. How nice. Thank you very much.
While he made my drink, I poked around the place a bit more. I discovered a small seating area upstairs in the back.
I was looking forward to a visit at Smuggler's Cove more than any other stop on my one-man tiki crawl. I had never been before and I had heard nothing but great things about the place. The fact that there was a line to get in to the totally nondescript building--NOT even a sign out front--a full 20 minutes before opening time also spoke well for the place. My expectations were sky high. And that was probably part of my problem.
I was not feeling well. While I thought I could handle Smuggler's (since I was in line and just minutes away from getting in), I was already wishing I could bail out on my last two stops on the tiki crawl, Tonga Room and Pagan Idol. Alas, I was meeting friends at Tonga Room for dinner and drinks. I couldn't cancel that stop. Pagan Idol though...consider it eliminated. I'd been before---I just needed some photos. No big loss.
My feelings of misery continued. Soon the door would open and I could sit some more. But the 5 p.m. opening time soon became 5:10 and then 5:15. What was the hold up? I had to be at the Tonga Room at 6. Hello?
The doors soon opened and in we went. And I was momentarily confused. I had heard much about Smuggler's, including the fact it had an "upstairs" bar and a "downstairs" one. The upstairs bar was the one to go to, so I had heard. Well, here I was on the ground floor and there was a bar right in front of me. Hmm.
There were some stairs heading up back there. Up I went.
The way to the downstairs bar was evident. But I thought I'd save exploration of that level for later, like just before leaving.
The "upstairs" (ground floor) bar was already packed. Swell. No seats for the sick guy. I stood on the side and eventually was waited on. I ordered a Kona Cocktail. I also asked about mugs. They had two different ones for sale. SOLD!
From all I've read about Smuggler's Cove (for example, their book of cocktail recipes is a James Beard Award winner), I have no doubt the drink was perfection. I just couldn't taste perfection. My taste buds truly were out of whack. Oh well. It was pretty, at least.
I enjoyed my cocktail while standing next to a narrow ledge on the wall that served as my table and took stock of the place. It was small. There was no getting around that. To tell the truth, I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed. I had such lofty expectations and was feeling rather under the weather. I decided to delay passing judgement on the place until after I've had another visit. I decided that I just needed to go, leave, get out of there. Whatever pictures I had gotten thus far would have to do for my article, an article that would just be mentioning places any way---not writing about them in depth.
Before leaving though, I took a quick excursion downstairs. There was far more seating, but the ceiling was lower and it was rather claustrophobic I found. By then I was already having hot and cold flashes and needed some air.
While I initially seemed unimpressed, Smuggler's Cove warrants a second visit. I'm looking forward to it.
Visit Smuggler's Cove's website HERE.
Visit the Critiki page HERE.
TONGA ROOM:
My Lyft driver dropped me off in front of the Fairmont Hotel instead of on the side, where the Tonga Room would have been more easily accessible. Whatever. I made my way through the lobby, staggered down stairs and meandered through the halls until I reached the classic tiki landmark. Ooooo I was not feeling good by any means at this point. This was going to be my last stop for sure.
The line didn't seem to bad to get in...but I was a little leery of the people seated on either side of the entry waiting to get in. Hmm.
While waiting for my turn to speak to the hostess, I noted the many swell mugs the Tonga Room was offering. Ooooo. I'd be dropping a small fortune on mugs alone before the evening was over. At least that's what I originally expected. Things would change unexpectedly.
I told the hostess that I was planning on having dinner with two other friends. She said that there was a 2 hour wait. WHAT!?! I gave her my name and was ushered just inside to the bar area...where it was jam-packed with people all waiting for tables.
I took these pictures while waiting for my friends to show up. Clearly they show many empty tables. The problem? They do not take reservations for small parties any longer AND they have to keep tables open in case guests from the hotel decide to dine there AND they had reservations for several large parties later in the evening. What does that spell out? Empty tables and loss of revenue. They were seating people, but only around the bar area. But even that required a long wait.
Also "still standing" was what I was doing. There was just no place to sit for this tired, old sick body. Cathy showed up finally. The line to get to the hostess area had grown tremendously. Before long, Erich also showed up....but we still had at least a 90 minute wait. Jeepers!
However, both of my mugs from Smuggler's Cove survived unscathed. Hooray!
Except...
On the way to the Bay Area on the 26th, I knew I was coming down with something. We stopped in a Patterson Walgreen's so I could buy some meds to try and head the sickness off. However, it was too late. Whatever was coming was on its way.
I had tentatively set the San Francisco Tiki Crawl for Thursday, Dec. 28th and had posted my plans on Critiki with the hopes other tikiphiles would join me. One Critiki member ("KevinCrossman") said my proposed crawl sounded "epic" and that I should consider also hitting Bamboo Hut (a place I had already been to and already had photos of that would work for the article). Another ("Suffering Bastard") wrote that he couldn't make it but that he was "looking forward to your takes on these establishments. Bottoms up!" As much as I was dreading the actual ordeal of hitting all of these places in a day, I was also looking forward to it in a big way.
Then I got sick.
I stayed in bed and slept more than 24 hours between the 27th and the 28th. I had the flu, but never had any vomiting or diarrhea---just felt feverish, hot and cold sweats, weakness, and had annoying, repetitive dreams. By the evening of the 28th I was feeling more or less quasi-human and was determined to do this 6-stop tiki crawl the next day. I updated my visit information on Critiki. The next morning, Friday the 29th, I was off to the city loaded up on Dayquil, Ibuprophen and other wondrous medications designed to keep me upright when all I wanted to do was go back to sleep. I doubt I was contagious any longer, but I certainly didn't feel great.
That day's tiki crawl was dictated by when the places opened....so my first stop was the Luau Lounge on Pier 39.
When I had lived in San Francisco and, later, the East Bay, I had a lot of visitors. Where did everyone want to go when they came to visit? Fisherman's Wharf. UGH! There is NOTHING THERE. It's just a big tourist trap with touristy shops and places to eat. I hated it and had no intention of ever going back. And yet, here I was on the way back to Pier 39. Swell.
I had taken a Lyft from the Ferry Building as the two streetcars heading to the wharf area that had passed me by were all full. The Lyft driver was a guy named Jorge. I was embarrassed asking to be taken to Pier 39, but he didn't mind. He said that his brother worked in a wine tasting place on Pier 39 (which I later saw in passing), but that he had never visited him there. He never went to the wharf, except to pick up or drop off passengers. I completely understood.
I hadn't eaten breakfast (a brilliant thing to do when one is planning a day of drinking, especially when one is sick. NOT!) and had 20 minutes to kill before the tiki bar was open, so I looked for a place to grab some sort of breakfast. I opted for a crepe place and bought an overpriced ($12.95) crappy crab crepe, which I dutifully ate---but wondered if it would cause me to get sicker as the day went on.
Finally it was noon and time to visit the Luau Lounge.
LUAU LOUNGE
Located at the far end of Pier 39 inside of Players, a video game arcade, restaurant and bar. You have to wander through the arcade area to find the Luau Lounge in the far corner of the building.
Arriving just after opening (noon) was great for taking photos of the place. It was a good-sized restaurant/bar with views of the bay.
I liked the place. The space could have been tiki tricked out more, but it was okay. It's biggest failing was that it was in San Francisco. Tikiphilies have other, better options. While nice, this place was nothing overly special.
As I wasn't feeling well, I really wanted a bloody mary (Groan....). However, that was NOT part of the assignment. Instead I had a Fog Cutter, which was serviceable, but not spectacular.
I asked if they had any mugs for sale. They had the same glass tiki head something everyone has and a brown tiki mug with a brand name of some liqueur printed on it. I said I'd buy the brown one---then instantly regretted it. Oh well.
Would I be back? Probably not. Would I mind a return trip? Not at all. It's better than the whole lot of tiki nothing we have in Fresno.
TRAD'R SAM:
I had not been to Trad'r Sam for about 15 years or so. The last time I had been there, there were not many people there and the place was decidedly run down. It was truly sad, especially since Trad'r Sam (opened in 1937) is the oldest known tiki bar still in operation.
I did not know what to make of the place as my Lyft driver, Oliver, pulled up to the curb to let me out. The place looked to have gone downhill even further since my last visit. There were three or four unsavory looking characters standing around the entrance area. (These photos were taken as I was leaving---not when I arrived). I was almost afraid getting out of the Lyft and I think my Lyft driver was afraid for me as well. But he sped off as soon as the door was closed and I quickly focused on the front door and walked up to it.
The place apparently had become a total dive. The display windows on either side of the door had been vandalized, broken and smeared over. What little remained in them was hardly worth mentioning.
As I walked in though, I was surprised to see the bar I remembered as being virtually empty all those years ago was now so vibrant, with a pretty healthy stream of customers. They seemed like regulars. I found my way to a vacant spot on the far side of the bar. The bimbo-y looking bartender came over and said "You've got great hair." Uh. Okay... All I could do was stare blankly at her nose piercing before I finally asked for a menu and she handed one to me.
The drink menu was extensive. That was a surprise since most of the crowd was having beer. I ordered a tiki drink anyway, a Lava Flow.
While the bartender (who reminded me of Roz Kelly, the flash-in-the-pan actress who was best known as Pinky Tuscadero, Fonzie's girlfriend for all of two episodes, on "Happy Days") was making my drink, I noticed the CASH ONLY sign. In utter horror, I quickly opened my wallet. I almost never have cash...but this time I was thankfully okay. Phew!
I paid for my drink and moved to the outer seating area so I could observe and take some pictures. It occurred to me that my trip to Trad'r Sam was rendered pointless by all of the Christmas decor. That would so not work in an article published in late spring. Groan.
As I looked around, I could see that the rattan seating areas were the same. While there was still some obvious damage to them, it looked like some of the larger, broken sections had been repaired since I had last been there. But there was still plenty of split seats with stuffing spilling out. By and large, though, I'd say it looked as good---if not a little better--than it had more than a decade ago.
The bartender served my drink with a secondary glass that was filled with the overflow from the first glass. It was almost like getting two drinks for the price of one. Score! Again, like the Fog Cutter at Luau Lounge, the drink was serviceable, but not great. Or maybe my taste buds were just out of whack?
One thing that was not out of whack was my hearing. Ugh. How painful it was to sit in this classic tiki bar sipping a cocktail with very loud country music blaring away. YES, COUNTRY MUSIC. Groan. Trad'r Sam had become a neighborhood dive bar, albeit one with tiki trappings and an historic place in Polynesian pop culture. I was just thankful that big TVs weren't blaring out some sporting event...but I saw signs advertising football on Friday and Saturday nights. So sad.
 |
| The creepy mask/head thing is STILL there. |
Tiki Haven opened at 4 p.m. and I was curious about the place. This was one of the places I had never been to before. Unfortunately I got there about 20 minutes early and was forced to just wait for it to open. Normally that would have been no problem, but whatever meds I had taken earlier in the day to stave off my flu symptoms were wearing off. I really needed to sit down.
Soon enough though, Tiki Haven was open and I was seated inside. Although I wasn't expecting to, I found myself liking the place instantly. Sure, like Luau Lounge, it unfortunately shares a city with bigger, more impressive tiki bars. But for a little neighborhood place--not bad. Of course, the place had just opened. The big, empty TV screens behind the bar pretty much told me "sports bar" and I got the feeling that tiki was just window dressing. In fact, I asked the guy who opened if he was the owner. He said he was a co-owner. I asked him why they went with a tiki theme. He said his partner had several bars, but didn't have a tiki bar...so they went with that. This guy had only ever been to Trad'r Sam before (I asked). He really had no idea what tiki was beyond that.
The decor was not over the top, but decent. I especially liked the carved tables and benches. They were fun.
When it came time to choosing a cocktail, I named three from the menu and asked which was his favorite. He chose the Pink Flamingo, so that is what I ordered.
My taste buds must have really been on the fritz that day. I do not remember what it tasted like at all. I saw some of the bars' signature mugs ready for use on the other side of the bar and asked if they had any for sale. No, they did not. However, the guy offered me a tiki glass--for free. How nice. Thank you very much.
While he made my drink, I poked around the place a bit more. I discovered a small seating area upstairs in the back.
Sports bar or not, if this was my neighborhood bar, I'd go. But otherwise... I can't see making the trek out to get to it when there are so many other choices in the city.
Visit Tiki Haven's website HERE.
Visit it on Critiki HERE.
SMUGGLER'S COVE:
The doors soon opened and in we went. And I was momentarily confused. I had heard much about Smuggler's, including the fact it had an "upstairs" bar and a "downstairs" one. The upstairs bar was the one to go to, so I had heard. Well, here I was on the ground floor and there was a bar right in front of me. Hmm.
There were some stairs heading up back there. Up I went.
Drat! All I discovered was a nice little seating area. No bar. The "upstairs" bar is apparently the one on the main floor. Down I went again.
From all I've read about Smuggler's Cove (for example, their book of cocktail recipes is a James Beard Award winner), I have no doubt the drink was perfection. I just couldn't taste perfection. My taste buds truly were out of whack. Oh well. It was pretty, at least.
I enjoyed my cocktail while standing next to a narrow ledge on the wall that served as my table and took stock of the place. It was small. There was no getting around that. To tell the truth, I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed. I had such lofty expectations and was feeling rather under the weather. I decided to delay passing judgement on the place until after I've had another visit. I decided that I just needed to go, leave, get out of there. Whatever pictures I had gotten thus far would have to do for my article, an article that would just be mentioning places any way---not writing about them in depth.
Before leaving though, I took a quick excursion downstairs. There was far more seating, but the ceiling was lower and it was rather claustrophobic I found. By then I was already having hot and cold flashes and needed some air.
While I initially seemed unimpressed, Smuggler's Cove warrants a second visit. I'm looking forward to it.
Visit Smuggler's Cove's website HERE.
Visit the Critiki page HERE.
The line didn't seem to bad to get in...but I was a little leery of the people seated on either side of the entry waiting to get in. Hmm.
While waiting for my turn to speak to the hostess, I noted the many swell mugs the Tonga Room was offering. Ooooo. I'd be dropping a small fortune on mugs alone before the evening was over. At least that's what I originally expected. Things would change unexpectedly.
I told the hostess that I was planning on having dinner with two other friends. She said that there was a 2 hour wait. WHAT!?! I gave her my name and was ushered just inside to the bar area...where it was jam-packed with people all waiting for tables.
I took these pictures while waiting for my friends to show up. Clearly they show many empty tables. The problem? They do not take reservations for small parties any longer AND they have to keep tables open in case guests from the hotel decide to dine there AND they had reservations for several large parties later in the evening. What does that spell out? Empty tables and loss of revenue. They were seating people, but only around the bar area. But even that required a long wait.
Opened in 1945, I discovered the Tonga in the late 90s or early 2000s. It is glorious and huge and just amazing. In 2009, I was shocked to hear that the place was being closed down to make way for a tower of condos to be built. Fortunately customers started showing up to bid farewell to the old place...and kept coming and coming and coming! (The economic collapse of the late 2000s didn't help with condo plans either. Thank goodness.) While an increase in customers is a good thing, I have noted on my last few visits that the lighting has been turned way up, making it almost impossible to notice the "thunder and lightning storm" over the pool every half hour. Oh well. At least the place is still standing for tiki enthusiasts everywhere.
Also "still standing" was what I was doing. There was just no place to sit for this tired, old sick body. Cathy showed up finally. The line to get to the hostess area had grown tremendously. Before long, Erich also showed up....but we still had at least a 90 minute wait. Jeepers!
The Tonga Room is always a treat...but not when it is this insanely crowded. We decided to go to this little Italian place around the corner near where Cathy had parked. There was no wait there to speak of. I had gotten my shots of the Tonga. That is really all I needed. I had been there before several times already. I was a bit bummed that I hadn't been able to buy any of the mugs Tonga was offering. Oh well. I WILL be back. The Tonga Room is too much of an amazing classic to ever stay away from for too long.
Check out Tonga Room HERE.
It's Critiki page is HERE.
I couldn't go on any longer. After dinner, instead of Pagan Idol, Cathy dropped Erich and I off at BART for our trip back to the East Bay. At the add-fare ticket machine, Erich was holding my bag of meds and tiki mugs. Somehow it got dropped when he was handing it back to me. Argh! The mug from Luau Lounge and the free tiki glass from Tiki Haven were casualties of the fall.
However, both of my mugs from Smuggler's Cove survived unscathed. Hooray!
And I went back to bed for the next several days, "missing" New Year's Eve in the process. Oh well. I got (most of) my SF tiki bars visited and photographed.
CHEERS!
Comments
Still, an epic story given all the degree of difficulty (even on a healthy day).