A few weeks or so ago, I had walked out from work to the parking lot only to find my car dead. A call to AAA had a tow guy come out who jump-started me. My battery was dead. Swell. The next day a tow man had to come out to jump-start me again so I could get my battery (which was dead yet again) in to Pep Boys for a replacement. Okay. Everything should be swell again, right? WRONG.
It was Sept. 6, a work day for me. I went out to my car and...NOTHING. ARGH!. The car was DEAD yet again. And it was 6:30 a.m. and I needed to be at work. At the same time my little automotive drama was unfolding, the department's favorite co-worker, Melaney, was about to have a baby--and we were all worried about her. Here is how the day went down---starting with a few texts between Melaney and myself the night before:
September 5, 2017 (8:30 pm-ish):
ME: Are congratulations in order yet or are you still eating pickles and sardines?
MEL: I'm on a clear liquid diet. Just got an epidural. Been in labor since 0130. Sooo painful!! Better now but no champagne yet.
ME: Well, push, push, PUSH! Don't forget to breathe. I just got my El Pollo Loco salad. Whoopie. Hopefully by the time I get to work tomorrow you will be a mom. You will be a fabulous mom. Happy labor. Cheers!
MEL: Thanks Shawn. Hopefully it'll happen tonight. Enjoy your salad. I'm on clears and hungry!!!
ME: Enjoy your clears and end of being pregnant. Whoo hoo.
At about 5:45 a.m., before jumping in the shower, I sent Mel this text:
ME: I hope this text doesn't wake you up. I'm sure you're asleep. I'm sure you're a new mommy by now. Congratulations and never let Piper ever forget the horrible nine months that she made you endure. Ha. Get some rest. Well done. Cheers!
After showering, dressing and getting ready to go-go, my car was dead. Thinking my co-workers would think I was faking it (since I had been sick a lot lately--three days of diarrhea, another viral thing in my sinuses, lungs and chest just before that--all of it legit), I started a Facebook (I have an account for work) chain of texts/photos showing what was happening as evidence.
ME FB: Terribly sorry. As you can see, I'm ready for work. My car isn't though. I got in and....nothing. It wouldn't even try to turn over. What the heck? It was just about a month ago--if that--it broke down and I had a new battery and starter put in. Argh. I'm so super sorry. Btw When I last heard from Mel, last night about 845-ish, she had been in labor since 1:30 am. She should be a mommy by now. Any news? Have a groovy day. Sorry again that I have a crappy car. Cheers!
ME: Zowie! No fun for you. Piper is just being shy. And I'm not at work. My car is dead...AGAIN. Joy. I called in but before calling AAA I decided to have breakfast. Ha. Hopefully you will not have to c-section. Pop out that Piper person pronto. Enjoy your continual birthing process, but Melaney really... Labor Day was soooo last Monday. Get over it already. Cheers.
MEL: I know! This girl is stubborn! Sorry about your car again.
ME: How bizarre to be having a conversation with you while you are doing the birthing thang. Are they still only giving you liquids? Did you get any rest at all? How is Joe?
MEL: Still just clears. I have an epidural so I'm much more comfortable.
ME: Oh that's right. Thank god for epidurals. There's still more than three months left of the year. Hopefully Piper will come out before 2018. Cheers.
I let Melaney be for a while. It WAS weird and probably intrusive to be texting her while she was actively in labor. But she was texting back and I didn't want to be rude. And then the AAA guy showed up.
ME FB: AAA man finally got here. My car was dead...wouldn't even try to turn over. He got it running but now I'm clueless. He said he didn't think it was the alternator as he machine showed the battery was now charging (when it had no charge when he got here). I just got battery and starter fixed. Faulty battery or just a crappy car? I'm on my way to Pep Boys. Joy...
ME FB: Dropped off the car. Now where am I going to go while I wait? I ate breakfast at home (which was stupid of me) so I'm not hungry. Hmm. It's hot... ugh. What a day.
ME FB: So I am killing time and trying to stay cool by wandering the aisles of the 99 Cent store. I'm not buying anything, just wandering. Initially I was excited to see Halloween stuff (and I wish you could have seen the man in the bad half wig I saw. Oh my). Then I saw the shopping bag with the smiling pile o' poo on it. What!?! Who would buy it and what, exactly, does it mean? That they have happy crap at the 99 Cent Store? Weird. I wish I had a book with me. I think I'll go to Carl's Jr. across the street and sip a Coke while I wait. I'm so bored. Cheers.
By this time, I decided to check in with Mel:
ME: Are you birthed yet? I finally got my car to Pep Boys and am killing time walking the aisles of the glamorous 99 Cent store across the street. There is a guy here I needed to tell you about. As I passed him, I thought at first he had a really bad dye job. It was jet black. Then, as I walked passed him, I saw it was actually (gasp) a bad mini-wig. It covered the top of his head only. From about the ears down it was brown with bits of gray here and there. Oh my stars. Who does that?
Congratulations (eventually). Hope you are almost done. Cheers.
I decided to send her a picture of the Poo bag I had already posted on Facebook. I thought it was too funny.
ME: It's a bag with smiling poo on it. Who is gonna buy that? The things you miss while you are in labor...
I didn't hear back from her---not that I really expected to--and continued to kill time.
ME FB: Ugh. I'm at Carl's and ordered a salad so I don't look like I'm loitering even though I really am. Didn't they used to have good salads at Carl's? What happened? This is the lamest salad ever, just a bunch of lettuce and two tomato slices and some overcooked chicken. Really? Lame. I'd rather have been accused of loitering after all then have spent the money on this crap. Ha. No further word from Mel. I hope she is okay. It was rather odd chatting with her while she was in labor. Anyone hear anything? Guess I'll eat this sad salad. Whoopie... Cheers
By this time, I heard back from Melaney:
MEL: Mike (our co-worker) needs that bag!! Still no baby! Sounds like an awesome hairstyle!
While this conversation was going on, I decided to quickly post on Facebook:
ME FB: Just heard from Mel. No baby yet. Go back to what you were doing...
Then back to the text conversation with Melaney:
ME: Oooo there may be a sale in the 99 Cent store's future. Good idea. Right now I'm across the street at Carl's Jr. Trying to look like I'm not loitering. I'm so bored and so car-less. Has Piper made an appearance yet? It's almost like Groundhog Day. Maybe she saw her shadow and you'll have 6 more weeks of pregnancy? I wonder if the mini-wig was a child's size? Do they make bad wigs for children?
MEL: Still no Piper. Waiting for the dr to come back this afternoon for a c-section I think. I'm ready to be done!!! I'm sure with Halloween coming up we can find some good mini wigs.
I then posted an update from Mel, word for word of the text she had just sent me (above).
ME: And they're still not feeding you? I ate the utterly crappy salad I got at Carl's (so it didn't look like I was loitering) but you can have my croutons. Maybe you can tempt Piper out with the bread crumbs...or some Reese's Pieces (hey, it worked with ET). Hang in there. Thanks for being so social during all of this. Really, I can stop bugging you. I probably should. How are your nurses? Do they know you are a nurse? Cheers.
MEL: The nurses here are wonderful. They're so sweet. And yes, they know I'm a nurse. But this labor and delivery stuff is so specialized I feel like a normal citizen. I would sure love some croutons. Been on clears since 0630 yesterday. I can't stand any more jello or broth. Plus I threw it up twice last night so I really can't stand it!
I again posted on Facebook the text Mel had just sent me. Then back to the conversation with Melaney.
ME: Oooo not good about you throwing up. Wait... you've been in labor since 0130 yesterday? Jinkies. I thought you meant yesterday afternoon. Where are you btw? I hated L & D in school and TWICE during deliveries I had to act as surrogate dad as the real fathers had stepped out before the birth. Ugh. Not for me. One lady gave birth in this chair-like thing. Strange. Are you doing the chair or laying down?
Mel responded and I took her text and posted this on Facebook:
ME FB: Oooo. Big update from Mel:
I'm laying down. Going to the OR for a c-section now.
That was the last I heard from Melaney for a while.
ME FB: I'm now waiting in the glamorous and luxurious customer lounge at Pep Boys. While I was non-loitering at Carl's Jr., I got a call from Pep Boys telling me I needed a "negative end connector" and it would only take another half hour to fix. I walked back and am waiting. Joy. At least it was a cheap fix. With the $20 charge path test (or something like that), my total price is going to only be $33 and change (and tax). But ugh. I missed work AGAIN. Not good. So super sorry.
While sitting, I sent this note to Melaney:
ME: Have fun. Cheers. By the time you see this, you will have a new baby and I will have a new negative end connector (whatever that is) on my car. Congratulations to both of us.
Nothing from Melaney, which I expected. Meanwhile, on Facebook...
ME FB: An hour and 45 minutes after I was told it would be another 30 minutes, I am still here. Blah!
Eventually I got my car and went home. This was around 2 pm. I sent Mel one last note when I got home:
ME: I got the happy Poo bag . Also will you be needing one of these soon?
No response from Melaney, as expected. By by later in the evening (between 8 and 9 pm), I started getting Facebook messages like these regarding Melaney:
FB: What is happening, Shawn?
ME FB: I have heard no more since she went in for her C-section. She must be a mommy by now...
The next morning, Melaney sent me two photos. One of them she had posted on Facebook a little earlier. And there was talk about how she was still throwing up and nauseated. Here are the shots she sent me and the comment about the Pregnancy Test photo:
MEL: Oh heck no!!!! I'm thinking one and done here!!!
ME: I was just teasing about the pregnancy test thing. I saw the family picture but... ooo bonus baby photo. Thanks. How are you feeling? I've heard you are still nauseated. Oh golly. At least the worst is behind you. Will they let you have zofran now? Jeepers!
MEL: I've had a couple doses of zofran and reglan. Not much relief.
ME: Oh man. That sucks. Get some rest. When are they going to let you eat? Hey, don't you work tomorrow? Just teasing. So happy for you. Zowie, you have a baby. Heck, You made a baby. Way different than your EZ Bake Oven days when all you made was crappy little cakes heated with a light bulb. No stirring required. Bravo.
There was more as the days followed. Co-worker Mike got his Happy Poo Bag and I sent this photo to Melaney:
It was Sept. 6, a work day for me. I went out to my car and...NOTHING. ARGH!. The car was DEAD yet again. And it was 6:30 a.m. and I needed to be at work. At the same time my little automotive drama was unfolding, the department's favorite co-worker, Melaney, was about to have a baby--and we were all worried about her. Here is how the day went down---starting with a few texts between Melaney and myself the night before:
September 5, 2017 (8:30 pm-ish):
ME: Are congratulations in order yet or are you still eating pickles and sardines?
MEL: I'm on a clear liquid diet. Just got an epidural. Been in labor since 0130. Sooo painful!! Better now but no champagne yet.
ME: Well, push, push, PUSH! Don't forget to breathe. I just got my El Pollo Loco salad. Whoopie. Hopefully by the time I get to work tomorrow you will be a mom. You will be a fabulous mom. Happy labor. Cheers!
MEL: Thanks Shawn. Hopefully it'll happen tonight. Enjoy your salad. I'm on clears and hungry!!!
ME: Enjoy your clears and end of being pregnant. Whoo hoo.
At about 5:45 a.m., before jumping in the shower, I sent Mel this text:
ME: I hope this text doesn't wake you up. I'm sure you're asleep. I'm sure you're a new mommy by now. Congratulations and never let Piper ever forget the horrible nine months that she made you endure. Ha. Get some rest. Well done. Cheers!
After showering, dressing and getting ready to go-go, my car was dead. Thinking my co-workers would think I was faking it (since I had been sick a lot lately--three days of diarrhea, another viral thing in my sinuses, lungs and chest just before that--all of it legit), I started a Facebook (I have an account for work) chain of texts/photos showing what was happening as evidence.
ME FB: Terribly sorry. As you can see, I'm ready for work. My car isn't though. I got in and....nothing. It wouldn't even try to turn over. What the heck? It was just about a month ago--if that--it broke down and I had a new battery and starter put in. Argh. I'm so super sorry. Btw When I last heard from Mel, last night about 845-ish, she had been in labor since 1:30 am. She should be a mommy by now. Any news? Have a groovy day. Sorry again that I have a crappy car. Cheers!
By about 8:30 a.m., Mel had texted back. The AAA guy had not yet arrived:
MEL: Hi Shawn! Still no baby. Pitocin all night and only a 3. Trying a pill now to get contractions going. If that doesn't work then c-section later. I'm ready to be done.
MEL: I know! This girl is stubborn! Sorry about your car again.
ME: How bizarre to be having a conversation with you while you are doing the birthing thang. Are they still only giving you liquids? Did you get any rest at all? How is Joe?
MEL: Still just clears. I have an epidural so I'm much more comfortable.
ME: Oh that's right. Thank god for epidurals. There's still more than three months left of the year. Hopefully Piper will come out before 2018. Cheers.
I let Melaney be for a while. It WAS weird and probably intrusive to be texting her while she was actively in labor. But she was texting back and I didn't want to be rude. And then the AAA guy showed up.
ME FB: AAA man finally got here. My car was dead...wouldn't even try to turn over. He got it running but now I'm clueless. He said he didn't think it was the alternator as he machine showed the battery was now charging (when it had no charge when he got here). I just got battery and starter fixed. Faulty battery or just a crappy car? I'm on my way to Pep Boys. Joy...
ME FB: Dropped off the car. Now where am I going to go while I wait? I ate breakfast at home (which was stupid of me) so I'm not hungry. Hmm. It's hot... ugh. What a day.
ME FB: So I am killing time and trying to stay cool by wandering the aisles of the 99 Cent store. I'm not buying anything, just wandering. Initially I was excited to see Halloween stuff (and I wish you could have seen the man in the bad half wig I saw. Oh my). Then I saw the shopping bag with the smiling pile o' poo on it. What!?! Who would buy it and what, exactly, does it mean? That they have happy crap at the 99 Cent Store? Weird. I wish I had a book with me. I think I'll go to Carl's Jr. across the street and sip a Coke while I wait. I'm so bored. Cheers.
ME: Are you birthed yet? I finally got my car to Pep Boys and am killing time walking the aisles of the glamorous 99 Cent store across the street. There is a guy here I needed to tell you about. As I passed him, I thought at first he had a really bad dye job. It was jet black. Then, as I walked passed him, I saw it was actually (gasp) a bad mini-wig. It covered the top of his head only. From about the ears down it was brown with bits of gray here and there. Oh my stars. Who does that?
Congratulations (eventually). Hope you are almost done. Cheers.
I decided to send her a picture of the Poo bag I had already posted on Facebook. I thought it was too funny.
ME: It's a bag with smiling poo on it. Who is gonna buy that? The things you miss while you are in labor...
ME FB: Ugh. I'm at Carl's and ordered a salad so I don't look like I'm loitering even though I really am. Didn't they used to have good salads at Carl's? What happened? This is the lamest salad ever, just a bunch of lettuce and two tomato slices and some overcooked chicken. Really? Lame. I'd rather have been accused of loitering after all then have spent the money on this crap. Ha. No further word from Mel. I hope she is okay. It was rather odd chatting with her while she was in labor. Anyone hear anything? Guess I'll eat this sad salad. Whoopie... Cheers
MEL: Mike (our co-worker) needs that bag!! Still no baby! Sounds like an awesome hairstyle!
While this conversation was going on, I decided to quickly post on Facebook:
ME FB: Just heard from Mel. No baby yet. Go back to what you were doing...
Then back to the text conversation with Melaney:
ME: Oooo there may be a sale in the 99 Cent store's future. Good idea. Right now I'm across the street at Carl's Jr. Trying to look like I'm not loitering. I'm so bored and so car-less. Has Piper made an appearance yet? It's almost like Groundhog Day. Maybe she saw her shadow and you'll have 6 more weeks of pregnancy? I wonder if the mini-wig was a child's size? Do they make bad wigs for children?
MEL: Still no Piper. Waiting for the dr to come back this afternoon for a c-section I think. I'm ready to be done!!! I'm sure with Halloween coming up we can find some good mini wigs.
I then posted an update from Mel, word for word of the text she had just sent me (above).
ME: And they're still not feeding you? I ate the utterly crappy salad I got at Carl's (so it didn't look like I was loitering) but you can have my croutons. Maybe you can tempt Piper out with the bread crumbs...or some Reese's Pieces (hey, it worked with ET). Hang in there. Thanks for being so social during all of this. Really, I can stop bugging you. I probably should. How are your nurses? Do they know you are a nurse? Cheers.
MEL: The nurses here are wonderful. They're so sweet. And yes, they know I'm a nurse. But this labor and delivery stuff is so specialized I feel like a normal citizen. I would sure love some croutons. Been on clears since 0630 yesterday. I can't stand any more jello or broth. Plus I threw it up twice last night so I really can't stand it!
I again posted on Facebook the text Mel had just sent me. Then back to the conversation with Melaney.
ME: Oooo not good about you throwing up. Wait... you've been in labor since 0130 yesterday? Jinkies. I thought you meant yesterday afternoon. Where are you btw? I hated L & D in school and TWICE during deliveries I had to act as surrogate dad as the real fathers had stepped out before the birth. Ugh. Not for me. One lady gave birth in this chair-like thing. Strange. Are you doing the chair or laying down?
Mel responded and I took her text and posted this on Facebook:
ME FB: Oooo. Big update from Mel:
I'm laying down. Going to the OR for a c-section now.
That was the last I heard from Melaney for a while.
ME FB: I'm now waiting in the glamorous and luxurious customer lounge at Pep Boys. While I was non-loitering at Carl's Jr., I got a call from Pep Boys telling me I needed a "negative end connector" and it would only take another half hour to fix. I walked back and am waiting. Joy. At least it was a cheap fix. With the $20 charge path test (or something like that), my total price is going to only be $33 and change (and tax). But ugh. I missed work AGAIN. Not good. So super sorry.
ME: Have fun. Cheers. By the time you see this, you will have a new baby and I will have a new negative end connector (whatever that is) on my car. Congratulations to both of us.
Nothing from Melaney, which I expected. Meanwhile, on Facebook...
ME FB: An hour and 45 minutes after I was told it would be another 30 minutes, I am still here. Blah!
Eventually I got my car and went home. This was around 2 pm. I sent Mel one last note when I got home:
ME: I got the happy Poo bag . Also will you be needing one of these soon?
No response from Melaney, as expected. By by later in the evening (between 8 and 9 pm), I started getting Facebook messages like these regarding Melaney:
FB: What is happening, Shawn?
ME FB: I have heard no more since she went in for her C-section. She must be a mommy by now...
The next morning, Melaney sent me two photos. One of them she had posted on Facebook a little earlier. And there was talk about how she was still throwing up and nauseated. Here are the shots she sent me and the comment about the Pregnancy Test photo:
MEL: Oh heck no!!!! I'm thinking one and done here!!!
ME: I was just teasing about the pregnancy test thing. I saw the family picture but... ooo bonus baby photo. Thanks. How are you feeling? I've heard you are still nauseated. Oh golly. At least the worst is behind you. Will they let you have zofran now? Jeepers!
MEL: I've had a couple doses of zofran and reglan. Not much relief.
ME: Oh man. That sucks. Get some rest. When are they going to let you eat? Hey, don't you work tomorrow? Just teasing. So happy for you. Zowie, you have a baby. Heck, You made a baby. Way different than your EZ Bake Oven days when all you made was crappy little cakes heated with a light bulb. No stirring required. Bravo.
There was more as the days followed. Co-worker Mike got his Happy Poo Bag and I sent this photo to Melaney:
Melaney is still on leave enjoying her new baby. She sent me a picture recently with this note:
MEL: Piper sends kisses to Uncle Shawn!
And it was just how I predicted it would end up. Melaney has her new baby and I have a new negative end connector. And we lived happily ever after (until the next crisis, that is).
THE END
Comments
Hope your car is okay, now. Make sure it's okay on the 15th!!
Cheers and congratulations to the happy family,
Christa