The other day at work, I heard these two women talking about some new burger at Burger King just in time for Halloween. It was called The Monster Burger or The Nightmare Burger--something like that. I asked for more information. The one who had tried it couldn't remember what all was on it, but that it came on a green bun. And it was good, she said, but only available until Halloween. I'm a sucker for a gimmick. I knew I'd have to try it.
Today I had a bunch of errands to run. I was going to be near a Burger King and decided to face the horror of this special Halloween burger. I am not a fan of Burger King. I think the last time I visited one was in the summer of 2016, when they were promoting Mac & Cheetos -- macaroni and cheese condensed into the shape of puffed-style Cheetos and deep fried. Those were unusual---but again, another gimmick. I hoped this gimmick would be better...
Before I continue my tale, I will say that since this afternoon, I have researched the burger a little more. Wow! For a product Burger King doesn't even mention on it's website, they put a lot of effort into it. A PR release about it has been promoted by many news and entertainment websites. The company even supposedly did a clinical study to prove the burger gives consumers nightmares--literally. The combination of meats and cheese on the burger is supposed to be the culprit for the bad dreams. Here's the video of that:
But I knew none of that this afternoon when I made my stop. I wasn't even sure of the name...or if it really was a Burger King thing or not.
It was about 3 p.m. when I got there. The place was totally devoid of other customers. As I walked up to the door, I noticed a poster proclaiming that a spooky beverage was also being offered--Frozen Fanta Scary Black Cherry. Of COURSE I'd get that, too.
I didn't see any mention of the Halloween burger on the outside, but was sure they'd have signage up on the inside, right? Wrong. There was nothing. Hmm.
The girl who came to the counter to help me knew what kind of burger I was asking about...but didn't know how to ring it up. She asked a co-worker who said they couldn't sell one to me because it was not in their system yet.
"But we have the buns" the first girl said.
The second girl insisted they couldn't sell me one. She asked me to come back next week.
Next week? Hello? Next week--one week from today--IS Halloween. I can't imagine the thing would be a one-day only special. But whatever...
I left. I had those errands to run. I also had a sheet of coupons for Jack In The Box. I had talked to a friend of mine the day before. He mentioned getting Jack In The Box coupons in the mail as they were pushing a new Rib-Eye Steak burger or something like that, and it had been surprisingly good. My coupons had arrived just before I left the house. I had intended to get one some other day, but since the special burger at Burger King was not yet available, I thought I'd hit Jack In The Box.
As I approached the Jack In The Box's driveway, I slowed down. There was an African-American man dressed as a cowboy with long, frizzy hair. He reminded me of Cowboy Curtis on the old "PEE WEE'S PLAYHOUSE" show, and he was riding a horse down the sidewalk. WHAT!?! I motioned for him to go on, but he waved me on instead. I drove into the parking lot, but by the time I got my phone out and was ready to snap a photo of him, he was gone.
I moved on to the drive thru line and noticed the sign pointing out the drive through line was completely busted out. Had a car hit it? Had the place been vandalized? Hmm.
I pulled forward in the drive thru lane and up to the menu to order. The entire menu board was wiped out---there was nothing on it. Weird. As I drove up to the window, all of the poster displays were also busted out and empty. Was the place closed for renovation? No. It was closed...for good. There was a big real estate sign in the window advertising the building for sale or lease. I had missed that in dealing with the cowboy.
Strike Two on my fast food journey.
I didn't need a burger or fast food. I was actually thinking about just having another salad. That is mostly all I've been eating lately. I buy those little pre-packaged ones and take them for lunch at work. Maybe I'd pick some up on the way home?
I went to the post office and then to the car wash...and there was another Burger King, right in front of the car wash. On a window was a poster for the NIGHTMARE KING burger. Oooooo. Dinner had been decided.
I went through the drive thru and ordered. I also remembered and ordered the Frozen Fanta Scary Black Cheery thing as my beverage. Hooray! I was going to have my Halloween fast food fix after all. I so hoped it would be worth it.The order had come to $11.10. What!?! That seemed a bit outrageous, but whatever... I only had $19 and some change in my account. Tomorrow is pay day and I'd be fine until then. And then I remembered my just-done trip through the car wash which had cost me $8. Eek! Would I have enough for my meal? I quickly accessed my bank account to take a look while waiting in the drive thru line. The $8 had been removed already, leaving me something like $11.43 left. Few! I'd have enough with barely any change to spare...
I didn't care for the Scary Black Cherry thing. I drank most of it, but yeeck! I've never been a fan of artificial black cheery anyway. I had a feeling I wouldn't like it before I ordered it.
But the Nightmare King was the thing I was really interested in any way. What would that be like?
I pulled over into the parking lot to check it out (and to snap some pictures). Hmm. I had expected some snazzy packaging. Nope. There was a plain paper wrapper with a hand-written "N" on it (for "Nightmare", I am sure). I later looked at the whole wrapper and it did look rather patched together / Frankenstein-y, but why? Apparently it was used for all of the burgers (one side said "Bacon King" another said "Jalapeno King") and there was nothing about the Nightmare King on it.
The burger itself really was green, although not nearly as vibrant or dark as it is depicted on the poster and in the publicity photo (see top of the post). Apparently the green is "all natural" and was extracted from watermelon rinds. Whatever...
The inside had a small hamburger patty (definitely NOT Whopper-sized), a deep-fried chicken patty of some sort, a single slice of cheese, onions, mayonnaise and bacon. I'm the only one on the planet who doesn't like bacon, so I knew that would have to go...but I'd at least try a bite of it with it in to get the full effect.
This was no "Green Eggs and Ham" experience. This was just plain NASTY. The bun was not exactly doughy but certainly not as firm as a regular bun. The burger was tasteless. The chicken was tasteless. Heck, even the vile bacon was pretty tasteless. It all sort ran together and seemed kind of soggy and bland. The only thing that really had a distinct taste was the onion.
Oh well... I tried it. It was certainly no "treat" though. Will it cause me nightmares? Doubtful... but it may cause my stomach a different kind of "nightmare". EEEK!
Happy Halloween!
BOO!
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